Human
by bbdggs1
Summary: He has to. Has to be able to do it even though he does not know how he shall live through it. Sets in 2x3. During and after Abbys "punishment".


**Human**

_I can hold my breath_  
_I can bite my tongue_  
_I can stay awake for days_  
_If that's what you want_  
_Be your number one_

And he does. He falls quiet when Major Byrne goes on about how punishing her will bring order into camp. Because he knows she counts on him to be their leader. And even though being the Chancellor should come with the power to decide what to do and what not do he is forced into this. And he bites his tongue when his mind tells him to protect her from any form of harm. Because she is more than a friend but he must be more than a man. He must be number one.

_I can fake a smile_  
_I can force a laugh_  
_I can dance and play the part_  
_If that's what you ask_  
_Give you all I am_

He plays his part and he plays it well when he orders the Guard to get everything ready for her punishment. He sees the disbelief and fear in everyones eyes and he knows that is just what they needed. He needs to be feared a bit when it comes to breaking laws. And he pretends that this is what he decided to do. That he was not forced into this and that he does not want it to stop immediately as badly as he wants to breathe.

_I can do it_  
_I can do it_  
_I can do it_

He has to. Has to be able to do it even though he does not know how he shall live through it.

_But I'm only human_  
_And I bleed when I fall down_  
_I'm only human_  
_And I crash and I break down_  
_Your words in my head, knives in my heart_  
_You build me up and then I fall apart_  
_'Cause I'm only human_

And he wants to. He wants to break down in front of them all. Beg them to not make him do this. To not make him hurt her because that is the one thing he is just not able to do he fears. And he just wants to take her and run as far away as possible. Keep her safe forever. But he can't.

_I can turn it on_  
_Be a good machine_  
_I can hold the weight of worlds_  
_If that's what you need_  
_Be your everything_

So he turns into a machine. Into the trigger that will lead to her pain. He will force screams out of her throat. Again, again, again. And he will not let show how much it breaks him. Not in front of them. But he is sure she will know. He begs that she will know. She has to know that he has to do this. That they won't let him out of this.

_I can do it_  
_I can do it_  
_I'll get through it_

Her eyes are locked on his and he is not sure whether it is to support him or herself. Whether she wants to let him know that she understands or to let herself know how much he disgusts her and he fears nothing more than that. But right now he doesn't care because their eyes are locked and even though this hurts he can do this with her gaze on him.

_But I'm only human_  
_And I bleed when I fall down_  
_I'm only human_  
_And I crash and I break down_  
_Your words in my head, knives in my heart_  
_You build me up and then I fall apart_  
_'Cause I'm only human_

When their finished and she disappears into the medical tent he stands still. The people around him slowly disappear to go back to their jobs and the Guard leaves the field for their posts at the fence. And he stares at the place where she had stood just a few minutes ago. Where she had screamed in agony, her legs to weak to hold her up. And he wants to fall down and cry. Cry his anger and pain and fear out until his tears seep into the earth and he is free of them.

_I'm only human_  
_I'm only human_  
_Just a little human_

He does not feel like a leader right now. Even less like her leader. He feels so small and insignificant he is not sure how they can ever see him as their Chancellor.

_I can take so much_  
_'Til I've had enough_

And finally he breaks down. And she is there to catch him as she always is. His tears leaving wet smudges on her shirt as he mumbles his apologies into her neck like a mantra. Praying to the only god he has ever known, ever will know, her. Her hands stop his before he can reach the scars left on her lower back not willing to let him suffer more and she presses soft kisses on his knuckles.

_'Cause I'm only human_  
_And I bleed when I fall down_  
_I'm only human_  
_And I crash and I break down_  
_Your words in my head, knives in my heart_  
_You build me up and then I fall apart_  
_'Cause I'm only human_

„I need you, Abby!"  
„I'm right here, Marcus."


End file.
